


like a rockstar

by jjhs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Friends With Benefits, Groupies, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Party, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24332653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjhs/pseuds/jjhs
Summary: jeno learns all parties must come to an end, even the good ones.or, fanboy jeno x rockstar renjun
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 12
Kudos: 82





	like a rockstar

**Author's Note:**

> this is self-indulgent, whoops
> 
> [like a rockstar](https://open.spotify.com/track/1e5Zf1EU0TAitK207VOUY7?si=ESfFP3AXTYKjVd5UEDxUaA)
> 
> [into it](https://open.spotify.com/track/4HwDCXsMBC7SUdp2WT4MZP?si=KUdR9avgSaut8BL2cH2gdg)

the music is loud and jeno loves the feeling of the bass on his chest. he loves the freedom he feels as he dances around in a crowd of thousands while huang renjun performs in front of him. it gives him a rush, knowing that renjun could have anyone he wants and he still chose jeno.

it’s been a little over eight months since they met one fateful night outside a bar renjun had no business being at and jeno was feeding the stray that lived near. 

it’s been a little over two since the world tour started and jeno has been following them since.

the next song is a slow one, and jeno already knows it’s next (knowing the set list by heart does come in handy). he sways to the beat. it’s on the sexier side, slowed down, and it’s jeno’s favorite. this song puts renjun in his element.

renjun is a full on rockstar in his black skinny jeans and white oversized t-shirt that shows off his collarbones. his black hair is swept up off his forehead. jeno practically drools.

the show’s over before jeno even realizes it. unlike the rest of the fans, security is pulling him out of the mass of people and toward backstage.

he happily goes, not caring about the people watching. though, he doubts anyone actually pays attention. everyone is too starstruck to even notice someone as average as him around.

backstage is a mess as usual. this is one of the first things jeno came to learn about the rockstar lifestyle. 

“hey,” he murmurs as renjun pulls off his pants. jeno’s cheeks turn red, and renjun just smirks at him.

“hi,” renjun greets. his bandmates, hyuck, jaemin, and mark only wave to jeno out of courtesy. “you coming to the club with us?”

jeno nods. it’s not like he has much of a choice. it’s either go to the club or sit at the hotel—well, the tour bus in this case because they’re shipping off to another city after tonight.

“great,” renjun grins at him. jeno sits down on the couch with his phone in hand. this is their second night at the venue and it still sold out. jeno opted to go in the crowd for this concert, just to see a different perspective.

“c’mon, babe,” renjun holds out his hand for jeno. “let’s go.”

jeno graciously takes ahold of renjun and intertwines their fingers with a giddy smile. renjun gets high off of the adrenaline from performing, jeno thinks he gets high off of renjun’s attention.

they walk to the black cars in the back of the venue with the tinted windows to keep prying eyes from seeing too much. renjun opens the door for jeno and he slides inside. renjun gets in after jeno. 

jeno leans into renjun for comfort and he loves the way he fits so perfectly even with their size difference.

“you looked so cute in the crowd,” renjun comments offhandedly. “i couldn’t stop watching your dancing.”

jeno’s cheeks burn. “you’re only saying that because you wanna get in my pants.”

“nah,” renjun dismisses. “‘m saying it because it’s true.”

jeno just rolls his eyes because he can’t think of anything else to say to renjun. 

the car ride to whatever club they’re going to is quiet, only the sound of the radio playing. one of their songs comes on and jeno snorts. 

“what?” renjun asks with a little smile on his face.

“overplayed,” jeno murmurs.

renjun laughs. “i agree.”

in these soft moments, jeno finds himself falling deeper than he should because renjun’s a rockstar on tour and jeno’s a uni student who has to go home soon. renjun makes him feel so soft and sweet, so free and full of life. 

the car pulls to a stop outside a club that’s full of people. jeno already knows the drill.

renjun climbs out first and there are paparazzi pushing their cameras in his face. the flash is blinding, even to jeno who remains inside the car. the car whizzes off, leaving renjun, his bandmates, and security to fend for themselves.

the car slowly approaches the back of the club where it’s completely dark and empty. no screaming fans or paparazzi waiting and yearning for something.

jeno waits for a few moments, scrolling through his phone to see what his friends back home are up to. there’s a quick knock on the door and jeno pockets his phone. 

“thank you,” he mumbles under his breath to the driver. the driver only nods to im before jeno opens the door and there stands renjun.

“you ready to party?” renjun asks him and jeno has never been more ready.

they trip back into the club like they’ve done far too many times. jeno giggles the entire time and they’re barely inside when renjun pushes jeno up against the wall and kisses him.

jeno immediately grants renjun’s tongue entrance into his mouth, hands gripping renjun’s hair.

jeno lets out a small whimper when renjun’s fingers dig into the skin of his hips a little too tight.

“oh,” jeno moans quietly. 

“let’s go,” renjun breaks away from the kiss and drags jeno along the hallway. the music is loud even from their distance and jeno could never get sick of this.

of following renjun around the world, of watching renjun perform, of partying with renjun. 

they enter the club and under the multi-colored lights is the crowd of people moving to the beat of the song. there’s dancing and screaming and singing. this is renjun’s scene and he has no problem dragging jeno into it.

they make their way into the pile of people. jeno feels the heat immediately, but he ignores it as he jumps up and down. he sings along to the song and renjun grabs his hips, jerking him closer. they’re far too close, but neither of them seem to mind.

the next song starts and jeno lets him get lost in the moment. he deep dives into renjun’s world and doesn’t look back. he’s so lost in renjun that he barely registers the screaming around him. he looks up from where his eyes had been focused on renjun’s collarbones to see soap suds falling around them.

everyone is cheering in delight and jeno can’t help the squeal that leaves his own mouth. in a matter of minutes, the floor is covered in soap suds and people are rolling around. jeno’s own body is covered in soap and he just smiles in delight.

renjun pulls him even closer if it’s possible and they’re kissing. the taste of soap is prominent, but neither mention it. they just keep on kissing. 

jeno realizes this is renjun’s life every day. concert after concert, party after party, kiss after kiss. renjun lives a life full of adventure and jeno just wants to get so lost in it, he can’t find his way back out. no matter what his friends tell him, he can’t help his desires.

they dance the rest of the night away, covered in soap. mark, jaemin, and hyuck find them eventually. they all dance together, and when jeno gets a little too close to hyuck, renjun is always pulling him right back into his arms. 

jeno has never known greater joy than dancing around a soapy club with renjun and his bandmates. he has never known greater joy than being with huang renjun and he doesn’t see himself finding anything better.

✰

they’re stumbling into the tour bus during the late hours of the night. they’re all sweaty and gross, but renjun drags jeno to the tour bus bathroom to shower.

the shower is far too small for two people, but it doesn’t stop renjun. he tugs jeno into the shower and kisses him harder than jeno likes.

“tired,” jeno murmurs, tipping his head back to give renjun free range to his neck.

“we’ll be quick,” renjun promises.

jeno hums. “renjun.”

“yeah?” renjun pulls back and admires the handiwork he left behind on the milky skin of jeno’s neck. 

jeno shuts his eyes before answering. “kiss me.”

renjun smiles against jeno’s skin. “gladly.”

there’s a knock on the bathroom door and a scream from the other side, but renjun chooses to ignore it. jeno glances to the door, feeling guilty for taking up so much hot water.

“ignore them,” renjun whispers, voice hoarse and so fucky sexy.

jeno moans and nods as best he can. “renjun,” jeno mumbles, feeling drunk off of renjun’s kisses. maybe is the sleep exhaustion or something else, but he just feels so lightheaded, like anything is possible. “i love you.”

renjun doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t stop kissing down jeno’s chest. he comes back up and kisses jeno on the lips with fervor and an emotion jeno can’t make out.

“renjun,” jeno says again.

“shhhh,” renjun shushes him. “just kiss me.”

and so jeno does.

✰

another show, another day as some face in the audience. jeno realizes he likes the anonymity, the feeling of having a secret, knowing that renjun could have anyone in the room but he’s all jeno’s. that renjun chose jeno and he chose renjun.

renjun always looks good tonight. his classic blank skinny jeans with a red silk shirt that’s buttoned half-way up, the rest of his chest proudly on display. he has the mic stand in front of him, one hand on the mic itself and one on the base. 

he sings and slides down the mic stand, body moving like he’s slow motion. the crowd goes wild, but all jeno can do is watch as all the blood rushes to his cheeks. renjun slowly stands back up, hips swaying to the beat of the song. 

jeno swallows hard. renjun knows exactly what he’s doing and he basks in it. of course he does.

the concert ends before jeno realizes it. he walks backstage like always. he’s met with the sight of renjun with a girl on his lap. jeno blinks, trying to process what’s happening. 

before he even realizes it, he’s walking away as quietly as possible and onto the sidewalk where many fans reside. 

he doesn’t even know what to think. he knew he wasn’t the bands only groupie, but maybe some sick part of him hoped he was renjun’s only groupie. but, renjun’s a rockstar.

he’s far away from the venue before he even realizes he’s walked so far. he stares at the buildings in front of him. he doesn’t even remember the city he’s in. everything’s become such a blur. morning fades to night far too quickly and half the time he doesn’t even know what day it is.

he checks his phone to see if maybe renjun even noticed he was gone. he snorts to himself when there’s not a single text from him. 

why didn’t he see this coming? he should’ve known better. rockstars are rockstars.

he looks at his calendar for the first time in months. he can only gasp when he realizes that he has a plane ride home in a few hours. he gulps as he tries to think about the predicament he’s in.

school. uni. it starts again in a couple of weeks and he has to go home to prepare.

“fuck,” he curses to himself.

he quickly calls renjun’s driver and asks her to come pick him up. she’s there in a record time and he climbs into the backseat. she zooms off toward the hotel they’re staying in.

the car ride is eerily quiet because it’s wrong. he’s not supposed to be alone, renjun’s not supposed to be partying with someone else. but, life doesn’t always work out and jeno is slowly understanding that. 

he walks into the hotel and straight to his and renjun’s room. he almost laughs at how comical everything was. how this morning they were fucking on the bed and now he’s packing his shit up to go home without renjun even knowing. it scares him how quickly everything changes.

but, he supposes that’s just the pace of life. it follows its own rules with no mind of how anyone living in the moment feels. 

he looks for his suitcase and finds it filled with his and renjun’s things. the codependency makes his heart hurt. he misses renjun and he’s not even gone yet.

he picks out the items he knows renjun likes the most, but he keeps one of his hoodies just because. jeno goes around the room trying to find all of his own clothes. he’s lost so many things during the tour that half of his wardrobe is all around the country. 

he zips his suitcase up with a sigh. this is it. and, he doesn’t really have any minutes to waste. his flight takes off at 4 am, it’s nearing 2 am, and the airport is almost an hour away. he has to get going if he wants to make his flight, though he doesn’t want to.

maybe his feelings are hurt, but renjun has every right to be with another person and jeno has to acknowledge that. they’ve never been exclusive, jeno’s never asked to be. he wishes it just didn’t suck so much.

he’s never met anyone like renjun. someone so free and confident about who they are. he embraces every single he is. the good, bad, and ugly. he doesn’t try to hide it like most people. he shows it off, allowing everyone to get a good look at it. 

jeno, on the other hand, has always been afraid of not being perfect. he’s the boy that doesn’t raise his hand in class in fear of saying the wrong answer. renjun lives so unapologetically, while jeno is the boy that lives with apologies rolling of his tongue. 

maybe it’s their differences that initially attracted him to renjun, but the similarities made him stay. 

he’s setting his suitcase up on it’s four wheels when the door opens. he looks over and it’s renjun.

“what?” jeno whispers, heart clenching.

“what are you doing?” renjun asks the second he steps into the room. his eyes stare at jeno’s suitcase. “why is your suitcase packed?”

“jun,” jeno sighs. his heart is so heavy, stomach turning. “i have to go home. i have uni.”

renjun seems so lost. jeno doesn’t know if it’s renjun being genuinely confused or the molly he probably popped before the concert.

“uni?” renjun’s face twists in disgust. “what? no, c’mon, jen, let’s go party. it’s not the same without you.”

jeno’s self-hatred slowly grows. he hates himself for preening from renjun’s words. “i’m sorry.”

“is this because of that girl? mark said he saw you walk out,” renjun groans. “honestly, she didn’t mean anything. she wasn’t you, jen.”

jeno massages his temples. renjun’s words make his head spin. renjun knew he left, but didn’t go after him. he probably slept with her. “did you fuck her?”

renjun seems caught off-guard. “what? no.”

“right,” jeno snorts, not believing renjun at all. he knows him well enough to tell when he’s lying. “fucking lying douchebag.”

“that’s rude,” renjun says in hopes of lighting the mood. “fine, just once. she’s an old groupie, jeno. i promise it wasn’t recent.”

“when?” jeno demands. he’s getting upset, but he’s not getting nearly as mad as he thought he would. “when’d you sleep with her?”

“i dunno? like before the started, maybe? jeno, i haven’t fucked anyone else since the tour started.” renjun is being wholeheartedly truthful, but it doesn’t make jeno feel any better.

“okay,” jeno says, pursing his lips. “i believe you.”

“great, can we go to the club now? i heard it’s one of the best.” renjun looks so excited and something sick in jeno wants to make him suffer for it. because renjun is renjun and doesn’t even care that he hurt jeno, doesn’t even realize that he did it in the first place.

“i have to go home,” jeno says bluntly. “you can come with me to the airport.”

“what?” renjun says for the millionth time since he walked into the room. “no, don’t go. c’mon, i’m sorry.”

“no,” jeno snaps. “i’m serious, renjun. not everyone can get drugged out every night. some of us have to live real lives.”

renjun has the audacity to look offended. “well, i’m sorry that while you’re slaving away over books i’m making money.”

jeno snorts. “whatever, renjun. i have to go now.”

“why can’t you just party?” renjun asks _again._

jeno wants to scream. “because i can’t! what is not udnerstanding that in your stupid fucking brain?”

renjun huffs. “fine, okay then. i’ll be at the club then.” he turns to walk out of the hotel room.

jeno doesn’t know what makes him say it. “if you leave now, i won’t be here when you get back.”

renjun stops in his tracks, back to jeno.

in silence they stand. it seems like eternity passes. but, in reality it’s only a few seconds before renjun makes his choice and continues to walk away.

a tear slides down jeno’s cheek. he doesn’t know how renjun does it, how he just walks away from everything they have so easily. jeno sobs to himself before running to the elevators and throwing his luggage in the car.

he just prays he can make his flight on time. he would hate to be stuck in the same city as huang renjun. 

he cries the whole way to the airport. he cries so hard his chest hurts, his eyes swell, and his cheeks sting from the wetness. 

the driver parks the car and walks with him inside. he’s still crying, sobbing in fact, and he can’t seem to get it together. she drags his suitcase for him and walks him to security.

“thanks,” he chokes out. he’s stripping of his stuff and she just nods.

“it is my pleasure,” she tells him. “it’s been my pleasure to have worked for you this summer.”

jeno swallows hard. “thank you. good luck for the rest of the tour.”

she smiles at him softly before walking away. he goes through security with ease, ignoring the weird he looks he gets as he sniffles.

he’s sitting in the waiting area with time to spare surprisingly. it’s pretty empty and jeno yawns. 

his fingers hover over renjun’s contact, wanting desperately to call him even though he knows there’s no use. he play around with the screen, hoping that his finger slips and he accidentally presses call. 

he’s so sleep deprived that he thinks the phones ringing, it may or may not be, but eventually he’s being sent to voicemail. he leaves one. he doesn’t care about the consequences or the implications. he just wants to say something to renjun, maybe the last thing he’ll ever say to him. he doesn’t really know anymore.

eventually, he’s stepping onto the plane. and, eventually he’s back in his hometown getting into a taxi the same time renjun’s waking up from a long night of dancing a little too hard.

jeno looks at his phone and prays he sees something from renjun, but there’s nothing. on the other hand, renjun notices the voicemail from jeno. he can’t really remember what happened the previous night, but he vaguely remembers them arguing.

he presses play. 

“hey, huang renjun. it’s me, jeno. have a good rest of your tour….i dunno if i’ll still be here when you come home. i guess all parties come to an end, even the good ones. bye, jun. be safe the next eight months. love, jeno.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twit](https://twitter.com/flirtmarkno)
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/jjhs97)


End file.
